How To Forget
by intraleaena
Summary: "How to get better" I wrote in small bubbly letters, my writing was messy and my fingers quivered. I crossed the title out. It seemed too childish. "How to heal a heartbreak" I crossed that out too. It sounded like I was about to write a sad country song. "How to forget" I looked at it. Tilting my head and observing the title waveringly. I gave a small smile and underlined it.


**Disclaimer: Nothing is owned by me except the plot. Characters and Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP. **

**How To Forget**

I wrapped my arm around the closest pillow I could get my hands on. Burying my face deep into the soft fabric, I hugged it closer and inhaled the lingering scent. The bright sunlight threatened to engulf my entire room with its luminous rays and I shut my eyes fiercely, daring them to try to seep its way through my forcefully closed lids. It smelled just like him. His cologne when he dressed up. His car when he drove in the dark, one hand casually gripping the wheel, the other holding my hand, afraid that if he let go, he'd be letting me go as well. His room where his slept. And just him. The scent that lingered when there was nothing else; just him. His smile haunted my memories as his voice rang in my head, reminding me of everything I wanted. Everything I lost.

I've never considered myself a hopeless romantic. I've actually never considered myself as a romantic at all. I was very oblivious to all romantic advances that boys would try to establish on me and even if I could comprehend what they were doing, I would blatantly ignore them, pretending that I did not realize their feelings for me.

I am not a bitch. I didn't lead boys on. I didn't turn them away with an intention of hurting them or their pride. I was just simply uninterested in getting romantically involved. That was until he came along. I remember melting under his amber stare when our eyes first made contact. His chocolate brown locks looked like they were carelessly tousled and a few tendrils fell over his eyes as he gave me a shockingly pearly smile. His dimple complimented his mesmerizing smile and his lips moved beautifully while he spoke. To my embarrassment, I couldn't hear a word he said. It seemed like the world was in slow motion and the only people in the room was the dark haired god and me. His amber eyes reflected a tiny glint of concern as his lips started to form words once again. It wasn't until the third time he spoke that I heard him.

"Miss... are you okay?" He said once again, his eyes focused on mine. Blushing furiously, I regained myself and gave my head a tiny shake. I flashed him a small smile and replied,

"Yeah. Sorry. I kind of spaced out for a bit. What can I get for you?" I managed to say with a burst of confidence. I took my notepad and pen out of my pink apron looked up with a friendly smile and anticipated his answer. He closed the menu carefully and I took it from him, holding it under my armpit as I wrote down his order.

"Just a cup of green tea please," He replied.

"Coming right up!" I said a little too enthusiastically and walked back into the kitchen, drunk with a strange euphoria from his enticing aura.

"You look happy," a velvety voice commented. I looked up into a pair of knowing amethyst eyes as they glanced over to the table where the beautiful boy sitting contentedly in. I shook my head and she winked at me before turning back to organizing her bakery.

"Go get him, tiger," She encouraged quietly as I walked back to his table with his tea. I smiled as my mood danced with clouds.

That was the first time I met him. He came every Tuesday. Sometimes he would come and just stare out the window. Other times he would come with a book or a notepad and write for hours. One day he brought a guitar. He didn't play it. It just sat there in it's case while he stared out the window. That was the first time we had a conversation. I found out a lot about him in the next few weeks. His name was Syaoran. He was 19, 2 years older than me. He liked to write music. His family owned a well known, well profiting company. He liked to bike when he was a kid. And he was heartbroken. He never really told me this directly, but he never did deny it. His eyes held a painful expression when you looked past his beauty.

He liked to take me to the park where he grew up in and he liked to bring me flowers when he came to the bakery.

"Cherry blossoms," He said, "They remind me of you". He handed me the beautiful bouquet. I still have their pressed form saved in a box somewhere in my closet. He liked to collect seashells at the beach and he liked to swim far out and lay on his back, letting the crystal clear waves carry his body gently. He spoke in riddles and flashed his ever mischievous smirk when I asked him to clarify. Days passed. Weeks flew by. And in a couple months, I was officially his. I was in love.

He would pick me up late at night sometimes and we would go to the beach. He would lay down a towel and we would lie there, watching the stars and holding each other. He liked to look into my eyes and brush my hair out of my face. He liked to listen to me talk just as much as I liked to listen to him. He listened to me gush about my love of writing and would request me to show him a couple of my pieces. I reluctantly agreed, nervous because I didn't let anyone read my stories. Ever. He loved them. Or at least that is what he told me anyway. I loved watching him read. His lips moved with the words silently and his whole self was engulfed as he concentrated on the words. It was a beautiful sight.

We were official for only 11 days when he first kissed me.

Fireworks.

That's how I would describe them.

A session of New Years Eve fireworks erupted in my stomach and my mouth tingled for hours after. Days even. His kiss was soft and his touch was gentle. I never wanted to pull away from his satiny lips.

He taught me how to play the C, G , F and Am on a guitar. He said those were the notes that really matter. He pointed out various constellations to me. My favourite one was the Cassiopeia.

Sometimes we would just lie there. Doing nothing. Bored out of our minds but content just being with each other.

On the 78th day, he told me he loved me.

I told him I loved him to. We made love that night. I had never felt so many emotions at a time. Love. Happiness. Fear. Excitement. I was overwhelmed. But I didn't want our journey to end.

The days went by. 83 days. 91 days. 100 days.

I wanted to be closer to him. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to put him in a box and lock it into my heart. _I wanted him._ I never wanted anything more.

127.

He smiled at me warily. He touched me less. His firm grip on my hand turned into a soft touch. It was as if I turned into a thin sheet of glass that would break if he held me. If he looked at me too long. I waved it off like there was nothing wrong.

130.

He hesitated. To kiss me. To hold me. To be with me. I felt it. I could see it.

131.

He said he needed his space. I felt my heartstrings snap. But I smiled at him and told him to take as long as he wanted.

133.

He left.

I cried. And I cried. And I cried.

I reread every letter he gave me. I looked at every picture we took. I wanted his memory to be forever imprinted into my mind. I wanted him to be forever imprinted to me. I was childish. I didn't ask him why he left me. And he didn't bother to explain either.

For the next few days, I was numb. I called my best friend and boss, Tomoyo and she told me to stay home. She dried my tears and cleaned my apartment. I refused to sleep or eat.

Two weeks passed. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, ignoring every word Tomoyo was saying. She was making small talk. Trying to get me to speak again. I didn't acknowledge a word she said. Frustrated, she threw a plate at the wall and told me to get snap out of it and get my shit together. Not phased, I ignored her like I did everything. I knew I was hurting everyone. I didn't go to work. I didn't go out at all. I was hurting myself.

The next day, she didn't visit. For the next week, I was alone.

It was three weeks after he broke up with me. Exactly 23 days after my heart broke into a million shards of glass.

I held onto my pillow tighter, until I couldn't stand the faint scent any longer. I threw the pillow violently on the floor and sat up. I looked at the mirror across the room. My eyes were red and puffy and my cheeks were stained with tears. Slowly, I got up from my bed and walked to the kitchen slowly and made myself food. It tasted like cardboard. And tears. But I was eating nonetheless. I chewed gently and glanced at the table. My eyes were drawn to the stack of papers and my favourite pink pen. I took them in my hands and hesitantly started to write.

"How to get better"

I wrote in small bubbly letters, my writing was messy and my fingers quivered. I crossed the title out. It seemed too childish.

"How to heal a heartbreak"

I crossed that out too. It sounded like I was about to write a sad country song.

"How to forget"

I looked at it. Tilting my head and observing the title waveringly. I gave a small smile and underlined it.

_**1. Face the fact that it happened and you can't change the past.**_

I walked into my room and glanced at the photos of him... of _us..._on my dresser. I looked at the balled up letters littering my cherry wood floor and took in a deep breath. With a rush of adrenaline, I took the photos from the mirror and made a neat pile in a shoebox. I picked the paper from the floor and placed them gently in the garbage beside my computer desk. I smiled as I hid the shoebox deep into my mirror, hoping that one day I would be strong enough to look at them again without crying. I took every stuffed animal, every gift he gave me and threw it into a bag. I stuffed the bag into a corner. I changed my sheets and pillow cases and cleaned my room. When I was done, I stood in the door way and smiled at myself. The space was bigger and cleaner. The tension and sadness it once held was lifted and it smelled of the fresh scent of lemons. I sighed happily. He was out of my life almost officially.

_**2. Relax.**_

I stepped into the steamy shower slowly. I stood there for half an hour, letting the hot water massage every kink and knot in my shoulders. When my body stopped aching, I sang. It was quiet and hesitant at first. My voice raspy from not talking to anyone for weeks. A few verses later, I sang louder, letting my voice out, letting the raw emotion out through my voice. The water washed the tears away and I let it run freely down my face. After shampooing my hair twice and deep conditioning it for 10 minutes, I shut it off and smiled tightly to myself. The tension and hurt inside me remained, but I felt lighter. A lot lighter.

_**3. Call someone you love.**_

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.  
The phone rang four times before a familiar voice filled my ears.

"Tomoyo's Bakery and Diner, Tomoyo speaking, how can I help you?" She said curtly. A wave of happiness washed over me.

"Hey Tomoyo. It's me," I said tentatively, not knowing how she would react. The last time I saw her she threw a plate.

"...Sakura?" She asked knowingly.

"Yup!" I replied as cheerfully as I could. Tears threatening to leave behind my eyes. I missed her so much.

"I'm mad at you," She said quietly.

"I love you," I replied with a chuckle. I knew she could never stay mad at me. She was my best friend. She sighed.

"I love you too," she said, "Come to work tomorrow?"

I hesitated slightly, not knowing if I could face _that _table any more.

"Yes," I said finally.

"Good. See you then," I heard her smile through her voice. I knew she was going to talk to me for a very long time tomorrow.

_**4. Find Something You Love To Do And Do It**_

I loved writing. Done and done.

_**5. Stay Busy**_

I came into work the next day and had a very long talk with Tomoyo. We talked about everything. Disney movies. Chocolate. My heartbreak. She cried when I cried, laughed when I laughed, and felt sympathy when I told her that he just left me. No explanation. Nothing. I worked almost everyday. The table sat there hauntingly, daring me to stare at it and what it used to be to me. The flash of amber eyes bounced in my memory. I waved the thoughts away. I got up earlier each day and threw on my rollerblades for a morning skate. I went to work and decided to write more. I was getting used to this. The heartbreak was fading and I felt more alive each day. His voice haunted the back of my mind, but it was getting quieter. He was fading. We were fading.

_**6. Just let go. Don't hold on.**_

"Syaoran Li? You're kidding me! Who thought this day would ever come?" A voice said loudly. I whipped my head around to the owner of the voice. A man with short blonde hair was talking to another man across from him. They were both dressed in a button up shirt, a tie and black jeans. It looked like they were on a lunch break.

"I'm not kidding. He's getting married," The man across from him said with a tinge of jealousy in his voice.

"I heard he's also taking over the company," The blonde added.

That was enough I needed to hear. The world threatened to close around me and tears poked the back of my eyes. I took three deep breaths and blinked quickly, daring my tears to fall. They didn't.

I shook my head. "I shouldn't care," I thought, "I don't care".

A sad smile was placed on my lips and I mentally wished him a happy life.

"Hey...miss?" A voice said from behind me. I turned around too quickly, and accidentally bumped into a hard chest. Strong arms slipped around my waist to steady me as my balance left me.

"Oops, sorry" I mumbled quietly. I looked up at the stranger and my breath caught in my throat. His deep brown eyes looked at me warmly as he replied.

"No, it was my fault," He said reassuringly, smiling a crooked smile. Charming. I smiled back at him.

"No, it was mine," I insisted, "How can I help you?"

"I was wondering if I could get a cup of tea please," He said. I looked up at him blankly and laughed with irony.

"Coming right up," I said and walked back into the kitchen. I prepared his tea slowly and watched him from afar, observing the bakery cases in awe. I smiled to myself and mentally wrote.

_**7. Remember that new doors open everyday.**_

**THE END.**

A/N: So, if you take a look at my profile, I deleted all of my old stories (Sorry). As I mentioned, this is rated because of the audience this is intended for due to the vocabulary and plot, not because of the content (Although this one has sexual mentions). I really like this plot and it's been lingering in my mind for a while but I didn't know what category to put it in, but I decided it would do best with CCS.

No beta. Sorry if there are a couple mistakes with my grammar or spelling.

_**Before you tell me it's AU and OOC, I know that. I intended that. **_

Thanks for reading :)


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